Debate

Dialogue

Assumes there is one right answer (and you have it)

Assumes that many people have pieces of the answer and that together they craft a new solution

Attempting to prove the other side wrong

Working together toward common understanding

It's about winning

It's about exploring common ground

Listening to find flaws and make counter-arguments

Listening to understand, find meaning and agreement

Defending assumptions as truth

Revealing assumptions for re-evaluation

Critiquing the other side's position

Re-examining all positions

Defending one's own views against those of others

Admitting that others' thinking can improve on one's own

Searching for flaws and weaknesses in other positions

Searching for strengths and value in others' positions

Seeking a conclusion or vote that ratifies your position

Discovering new options, not seeking closure

Dialog is safe, balanced and constructive. When people attempt to "be right", opportunities for dialogue are diminished. So, how can you shift from debate to dialog?

Even the worst team communication problems can be improved with a mix of self awareness, good intention and personal flexibility. Establish ground rules up front.

Then self-manage to avoid these common communication mistakes:

1. Being close-minded. Don't come to a meeting with your mind made up already. There's little point in having a discussion if you aren't open to other ideas. Start getting curious about other opinions.

2. Dominating the floor. Don't ramble on - make your point clearly and concisely. Stick to the matter at hand. Start keeping track of who is speaking, and make sure the conversation is balanced.

3. Not asking for clarification. If something doesn't sound right, say something! If you don't understand any point, speak up and ask questions. Get it clarified before you all move on. If you're responding to someone's point, repeat it to make sure you have heard and understood it correctly.

4. Interrupting. Don't speak over other team members. When someone else is talking, let them finish.

5. Mixing fact with opinion. If you have an opinion, express it as such, with the reasons behind it, not as an iron-clad fact.

6. Letting emotions rule. It's hard to keep emotions out of team decisions - but remember that your best thinking happens when you're calm. Don't flame issues with disparaging remarks, or cheap shots.

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Need help with team communication? Contact me. Sometimes what's needed is an unbiased, outside facilitator who can focus on the process of the team discussion, and allow you to be a full participant. I will never involve myself in the content of what is being discussed, but will take every measure possible to ensure your discussion is balanced, safe and constructive.

Communication style assessments can also be very insightful. These help team members understand each other's communication preferences - how different people think, process information and make decisions. Your communication style differences can be an advantage if the team knows how to leverage the diversity.

Interested in exploring communication styles with your team? Call me!

What's your strategy for improving communication on your team? Please share what's worked for you dubin.clarity@verizon.net